Tag: Truth

When zoloft & ballon animals can’t seem to raise your spirits, take a run.

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Because I am WORTH IT.

I cuffed up my skinny jeans, painted my toes red and threw on a pair of flip flops.

Because I am WORTH IT.

I placed an orange and silver necklace upon my neck,  which stands out brightly upon the white t-shirt.

Because I am WORTH IT.

I no longer  conform to buying so many black items of clothing.

Because I am WORTH IT.

I take more risks and tap into my freedom.

Wow! Those  words chime like a loud cymbal in the pit of my soul! Every part of my being screams out from under the restraints of  the tidy little box..that I call my “safety”.

A place where the fear of rejection are nestled closely to her friend,  the lack of confidence.

A place where I can go unnoticed and not draw “attention” to any flaws or shortcomings.

A place where no one can take any part of me, in which I am not willing to give.

A place in my heart in which I’ve called, “home” for much too long.

Recently the color me RAD 5k run was in my city. I am not a runner, but I have this desire to push my body in a way I have never challenged it before. I want to experience the freedom of not only running, but of finishing the race.

Of course, I chuckle at the “new and improved Denise” and clearly say this with much apprehension.

It’s much like my healing journey; I want the joys of freedom, but am I willing to go thru the pain? Yes..I am.

Because..I AM WORTH IT!

This Mom is teaching her Daughter to live freely..Because She is WORTH IT.

~ xoxo Denise

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In the words of Color Me RAD: When Zoloft and balloon animals can’t seem to raise your spirits, the best way to brighten your life is to run, Color Me Rad 5K.

Instead of running FROM something, get ready to run FOR something.

photo credit: http://www.colormerad.com/blog/page/9/

Not believing the hype of wearing an “S” on my chest..

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superwoman-blog-illustration

Like many of you Mom’s out there,

At times, I struggle with balancing life’s demands.

Tackling multiple projects at home and work, juggling hectic schedules and commitments..trying to meet the needs of my children, husband, friends and extended family.

Proudly announcing to whoever will listen, that I AM WOMAN!

Running around, pounding the “S” on my chest, with my eyes bugged out, looking less like the sexy SuperWoman, but more like a frazzled, stressed out Mama in need of a pedicure.

While listening way too much to the little voice that whispers..your never going to be good enough.. therefore..keeping me trapped in the lie of never measuring up to the woman, that I have put on that unrealistic platform of perfection.

Ouch..it hurts to read those words. You see…as easy as it is to place the blame on someone else, I had to admit, that I choose to live this way.

You see, from the time I was a little girl, I had this overwhelming need to be needed.

So as an adult, I had to stop and recognize the unhealthy behavior that continues to try to hinder my healing.

Today, I am believeing that my value and worth is based on WHO I AM and not because of what I can do. 

~ xoxo Denise

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April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Please join me in sharing the following video. Social network has a way of spreading information out quickly, please reblog, post, tweet, facebook, email, etc! Thank you ahead of time for doing YOUR part in bringing Awareness to END Childhood Sexual Abuse.
~ Denise ~ No Longer Held Captive..By My Childhood Secrets

No longer held captive

~By breaking my silence, I am no longer giving power to the pain~

Today, I want to encourage you to break your silence and declare that you

Are No Longer Held Captive..By Your Childhood Secrets..

May your temporary sorrow, lead you to Triumphant Victory ~ Denise

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No longer held captive..

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~By breaking my silence, I am no longer giving power to the pain~

Today, I want to encourage you to break your silence and declare that you

Are No Longer Held Captive..By Your Childhood Secrets..

May your temporary sorrow, lead you to Triumphant Victory ~ Denise

Today..I Strive..

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From this day forth, I strive to tell the

  • Authentic  “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character”
  • Unadulterated  ”not diluted or made impure”
  • Truth “a verified or indisputable fact”

Of, My story about being sexually molested as a child and raped as a teenager.

Over the years, I learned how to mask the hurt, pain and turmoil. As of yet, I have not shared my story with some of my closest friends or many of my family members. Some may say, I am the ultimate actress in this role I call, My Life.  Yes, in order to cope, I had to seperate myself from the little girl who was abused. But at 42 years of age, those acts of violation againgst me, affected who I was, and held me back from who God truly inteded for me to be. It was time for me to heal.

In this journey, I use the following statement of truth to remind myself of who I am and who I have become, “I am beautifully created, smart and funny. I take pride in being a great Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Friend. I am a professional woman who is Loved and Respected. People want to be around me because they like me, and not because they want to use my body for their pleasure”.  The affirmations and declarations I use are an imperative part of my healing.

Reading and writing poetry has always been one of my passions, in Maya Angelou’s “Still I Rise” poem, there is a section that says, “Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries”. It goes on to say, Still…I Rise, I Rise, I Rise“.

The abusers may have tried to break me, by unknowingly keeping me in a lifetime of bondage to the “hidden” parts of my life. When I release those secrets, I allow myself to feel the deep pain caused by the abuse. In the privacy of my home, normally in my room, I reflect on the abuse. The overwhelming feeling of heartache consumes me and has caused me to fall to the ground, roll up in a ball, and lay there in a fetal position. The amount of pain that I carry in my soul can be debilitating. (when reflecting on the pain, always make sure you have a support system nearby, for your safety)

In those moments, I cry out to God and hold onto my Faith. He helps me to Rise with Strength and with Power to overcome the hurt, guilt, shame and depression. The following video is of Whitney Houston singing, “I Look to You”. It is a powerful song that depicts the ultimate need for Grace, Love and Acceptance that I’ve learned can only be fulfilled by my relationship with God.

As I move forward in this Healing Journey, I will always continue to Look To You, which comes my help.
Denise Boyd Copyright ©