Because This Broken Road, Prepares Your Will For Me.

After I made the decision to heal from the abuse of my past, there were some day’s that I struggled to get out of bed. The demands of being a mom, a wife, an employee and the expectations that I portrayed to everyone of being a “Super Woman”,  had me stretched beyond measure.  There was a morning that my emotions were out of control, I had a nervous stomach and had been vomiting. As I stood in front of my mirror, I could barely keep the tears from falling down my face as I tried to apply my make-up, it just was not going to happen that day.  What was wrong with me? I normally can “hold it together”. I yelled to my husband and let him know that he would be the one dropping the kid’s off at school, and I dragged myself back into bed. As I laid there, I turned on the radio and heard this song, “Walk By Faith” By Jeremy Camp. The song calmed my nerves, spoke to my spirit and let me know that His Grace Covers Me.

Today..April 11th..the Day of MY Birth.

Today, April 11th is my Birthday. One of the ways I choose to celebrate, is by reflecting on my journey. In the midst of  working through the healing of being a Survivor of childhood sexual abuse and rape, I want to give tribute to My Mother’s Love on the day I was born.

She looked into her daughters big brown eyes, lightly kissing the dusting of light brown hair on her head. Whispering softly how loved and honored she was to hold her only daughter. Anticipating with excitement all of the hopes, and dreams of a wonderful life for, Denise Marie. Without blemish or imperfection, Adorned with Beauty and Grace. She was the love of her life, the beat of her heart, the precious connection that would never be torn apart. The immeasurable amount of Love she deposited into her daughter’s life, equipped Denise with the unyielding Strength she would need to endure the things to come.

The Powerful, Never Ending, Love of my Mother carried me through the darkest times of my life. A few months ago, I shared my entire story of my childhood sexual abuse and rape with my Mom.  It was time for me to no longer deceptively, hide the truth from her. As difficult as it was for me to tell her, she needed to hear my secrets. The shame, guilt and fear tried to overcome me as I began to share my story. All of the lies I used to cover up the Truth tried to rise up in me, and shy me away from being completly honest. I wanted to protect her heart from the pain. But I knew, in order for me to be free, I had to tell her every ugly detail of the abuse, and who the abusers were. As I spoke, the fear within me, began to be replaced with her amazing Love for me. She intently listened to me, without interruption, without judgement, and without making excuses as to why she did not  know I was being abused. She understood that this was my appointed time to release 40 years of hidden pain and at that very moment of vulnerability she chose to simply Love me. Today, I Continue to Embrace My Healing Journey and Completly Celebrate ME!
Denise Boyd Copyright ©