It took me a minute to settle down and calm my anxiety, but once I did my words flowed.
Writing and reading my poetry is good for my soul.
Titled, “Engulfed fully by his love”. – denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
I am learning that it is ok to take a deep breath,
and then slowly exhale as I gently smile at the
woman that I’m looking at in the mirror.
I’m encouraging her with words of love,
self acceptance and much grace.
– denise marie
I decided to get out of my comfort zone and nervously read one of my poems in front of the camera.
Speaking in public or in front of a camera, causes me some anxiety and I normally find myself completely overthinking, being self-critical and sometimes talking myself out of it.
But not tonight.
I sat in my living room, didn’t fuss with the perfect application of makeup or the correct lighting. I just went for it….and because I did, it was a huge breakthrough for me!
You see, after surviving the pulmonary embolism, I struggled with the affects in my mind, emotions, and body. My brain seemed to be a bit different, very foggy, easily overwhelmed/overstimulated and anxiety. I struggled and sometimes still struggle with terrible fatigue, hair loss and extra weight gain. These things had began to mess with my confidence and I found myself beginning to hide a bit and shrink back from doing things that I used to do much easier in the past.
Being in my 50’s and a survivor of…well an overcomer of so many different challenges in my life, (past childhood trauma, stress etc.) I realize that it’s ok to not always be ok, but it’s not ok to be stuck in my circumstances. Taking things one day at a time, allows me to remove unrealistic expectations and letting go of my own pressure of perfectionism, the need to please others and making space for plenty of love and grace. Healing is a process and I am choosing to be present, every step of the way.
My hope is that I continue to show up and do things that make me uncomfortable.
This not so simple act of getting out of my own head, and doing things even if I am afraid or nervous is truly liberating.
Thanks for sharing this moment with me, it means a lot!
– denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16
Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I tested positive for Covid 19 on Saturday. The last few days have been extremely overwhelming and it seems as if I’ve experienced many of the symptoms on the list. When things got a bit scary I contacted my Doctor and due to my health risk factors, I was able to go to the hospital for an Monoclonal Antibodies Infusion.
When I arrived to the hospital I was told to wait outside and a nurse in PPE would come and get me. Soon after my arrival the nurse came and had me follow her to a “not for the public” side door into a stairwell which took me to a door that led to a long hallway and into a conference room that was section off by plastic.
It was only I and the nurse in this room and as much as she tried to make me feel comfortable, it was a bit eerie.
She did the basics; temperature check, blood pressure check, oxygen levels using a pulse oximeter then went on to explain the details of the infusion. Soon after, I received my infusion in my left arm and after an hour and a half my husband picked me up from the hospital and went home.
The following day after my infusion, I still struggled with many Covid symptoms, but my fever finally broke. SO very grateful!
Today is day 5 and I’m still testing positive. Its been hard to be quarantined and feeling lousy in my room away from my family, But I’m happy to say that my symptoms are improving! I believe that the infusion has really helped my body to continue to fight this virus.
Being in my room quarantined, it’s amazing how the mind plays tricks on you. I really had to pray, reach out to my family and watch uplifting & funny shows on tv to stay encouraged. So glad this is only temporary.
To be intentionally loved is a gift from God.
I received these beautiful flowers from my husband. He, my kids & family have been so encouraging and loving as I heal and rest. I’m blessed to have family near while I’m quarantined and recovering.
Tomorrow is a new day and I’m looking forward to a negative test and complete recovery soon!
Thank you Jesus for your love, protection and healing💗
I recently took a drive with two of my kids to a beautiful beachfront in Northern California called Dillon Beach.
Being at the Ocean, I feel free! Laughing so hard as I skip around the beach, searching for seashells and taking in every detail of its beauty.. What a gift to be treasured…it will always be my happy place. 💙
YOU matter….
Even when you feel like no one notices or cares. Your presence on this Earth is important…your voice, your opinion, your ideas, your disappointments, your shortcomings, your accomplishments, your defeats, your best qualities and your worst character defects, your talents, your stories, your laughter, your hugs, your smile. Every aspect of YOU, is a gift to this world. You are valued, cherished and needed.
And even when it doesn’t always feel like it…
I encourage you to grab on and hold tight to this truth…YOU are loved…overwhelmingly loved, undeniably loved, forever loved.💗
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
It’s ok to rise….from anything or anyone who makes you feel small, unheard, not seen or valued.
Always remember that your voice, your story and your very existence matters.💗
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
There was a time, that I didn’t identify with the one who stared at me daily in the mirror.
Sometimes I didn’t like her, other times I felt like I didn’t really know her and many times didn’t understand her. She found herself lost between living to please others and resenting her continued self-sacrifice, even at the cost of her well being.
Ultimately betraying herself.
Numerous times she tried to free her true self, but found it difficult to come out from under the deep despair of childhood trauma and shame.
Today, she realizes it’s ok to choose Her.
She now, carefully cradles her heart, whispering powerful words of truth dripped in non-judgmental love and grace.
She is no longer hidden beneath the layers of trauma, she is emerging, growing and nurturing each space within the weight of her being.
She no longer identifies as an outsider, but acknowledges Her name.
The name her Mother, lovingly graced her with in 1969.
Her name is Denise Marie and I am her.
No longer held captive 