Tag: depression

Leave a comment

I was attacked

at the very core

of my being and

was told to end it.

That I was not going to

live past the depression,

the anxiety and the tremendous

amount of pain.

The lies, and self hatred

tried to overshadow every ounce

of hope and faith

I previously held onto.

Even though I walk through the

darkest valley…

Fragmented pieces of the

memories came flashing

back as I tried to piece them

together and make sense

of the realization that these

were not nightmares but

factual suppressed recollections.

I will fear no evil…for you are with me….

It was too much!

I felt as if I was literally being

ripped from the inside out.

Every part of my body ached

as I exposed the truth and

walked through the dark

murkiness of my past.

You protect and guide me,

and I find comfort as you console me…

In my despair,

I wept, as I released the pain.

You are repairing all the damage

that was done to me,

and restoring the deepest,

most real part of me.

Lord, my strength and hope, comes from you.

(*Psalm 23)

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

Choosing to surrender…

2 Comments

Anxiety and fear had been a thief, literally stealing my joy. It jumbled up my thoughts, and caused my heart to race, leaving me with many sleepless nights and a just below the surface agitation that made me want to crawl out of my skin and run away.

The last two years have been life altering and I am learning what it means to release my need to control and to put my complete trust in God. There are good days and difficult ones, but I choose to take things, one step at a time, as I receive His peace.

Peace I leave with you, my Peace I give you. Not as the world gives. Don’t let your hearts be troubled and don’t be afraid.

John 14.27.

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…depression

Leave a comment

It laid itself dormant amongst the

barriers of her heart,

the longing, in a hungry pursuit

of this illusion for happiness.

the place where she wrapped

herself in temporary moments

by filling each need with the status quo ego.

this perfect appearance

portrayed itself amongst the

imperfect deception.

but then,

in the most inconspicuous places

she found her Joy,

and as she engrossed herself,

she found this treasure

to be a gift,

and promised to never let it go.

In your presence is fullness of Joy- Psalm 16:11

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…loneliness

Leave a comment

Deep wounds can begin to form when we feel forgotten. We begin to ask questions such as, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Why was I not included?”

Feelings of being forgotten…

if we allow ourself to remain in that state of despair, you will begin to spiral into a dark place which allows depression and isolation to form walls around you.

In the past, I was very familiar with the lies of feeling “forgotten” and today I

want you to know that you are important, valued, loved and seen.

Not just for what you can do for others, but for simply being you.

Those that love you, may not even know that you are struggling.

I encourage you today, to reach out to someone and let them know that you need them…and if they don’t respond with grace….then reach out to the next person…or the next one…or the next one…until you find someone who is really there for you.

You are not alone, you are not forgotten. Don’t give up.

~ xoxo Denise

“Don’t fear because I am with you, don’t be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will hold you up and keep a firm grip on you”.

-Isaiah 41:10

No longer held captive by…isolation

Leave a comment

I lost a close friend this week.

My heart hurts as I battled with thoughts of “why didn’t I call her on Friday”, “why wasn’t I there to check on her when she needed me?”

Then in a quiet voice, God quickly reminded me that HE was there.

In an instant I began to celebrate all of our deep conversations about God and how much she loved him, our laughing at the silliest of things until we cried hysterically. The dinners, the kids parties, our funny dance moves, the cries on each other’s shoulders and the bear hugs that reminded each other that no matter what, everything was gonna be alright.

This loss, is devastating on so many levels especially for her sweet children, spouse, family and close friends.

But in the midst of these tears, more than ever I want to encourage you to reach out for help if you need it, your not alone and isolation is a breeding ground for lies, deception and defeat.

Reach out and tell someone…

anyone…that you need help.

I guarantee you, that you are not forgotten, and there is hope.💗

~ Denise xoxo

No longer held captive…by depression

Leave a comment

They call her Joy.

she tries to hide in darkness…

but when you find her…

in the most inconspicuous places…

introduce yourself…

treasure her…

and never let her go.

xoxo Denise

The Joy of the Lord is my strength. -Nehemiah 8:10

25 likes on facebook..changed everything…

10 Comments

25 LIKES…9 COMMENTS…556 FRIENDS…

On August 8, 2014..I posted a video on my personal facebook page to share with the “world” that I had been sexually abused as a child.
The moment after I clicked “post”, I felt on top of the world! I had conquered my BIGGEST Fear!

Or so..I thought.

As the days went by, the euphoria lessened and I realized that my post made others uncomfortable. The small number of likes and comments crushed me and made the ugly root of rejection, fear and depression come to the surface of my heart.

As much as I told myself that I was doing my part for humanity by bringing “Awareness”. I desperately wanted everyone to SEE that “I” was a victim of sexual abuse and rape.

I thought I didnt want to be looked at differently. But actually, yes, I DO.

I want YOU to read my post and feel uncomfortable. I want YOU to look at the video and cringe as you look into the eyes of me as a child and see the blank stare and pain of an innocent child who was sexually abused.

I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse and rape..

~ xoxo Denise