Pulmonary Embolism…the Beach & Gratitude.

Dillon Beach, California

In 2020 I survived a Pulmonary Embolism, it was such a stressful, painful and scary time.

Since then, I’ve learned to really listen to my body and prioritize my mental, physical and spiritual health.

Visiting the beach with my family is one of my favorite things to do.

Walking on the sand, the smell of salt water, the breeze and watching the waves completely relaxes me and brings me joy.

I am truly grateful for the gift of life.

– denise marie

What I would say to my younger self…

I always loved to write. Pencil in hand, writing a poem at the age of 5.

You have the gift to

powerfully shine light

on darkness,

to set captives free

by the stroke of your

own pen.

– denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

Your presence matters…

liberation…the act of setting free

YOU matter….

Even when you feel like no one notices or cares. Your presence on this Earth is important…your voice, your opinion, your ideas, your disappointments, your shortcomings, your accomplishments, your defeats, your best qualities and your worst character defects, your talents, your stories, your laughter, your hugs, your smile. Every aspect of YOU, is a gift to this world. You are valued, cherished and needed.

And even when it doesn’t always feel like it…

I encourage you to grab on and hold tight to this truth…YOU are loved…overwhelmingly loved, undeniably loved, forever loved.💗

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

I was attacked

at the very core

of my being and

was told to end it.

That I was not going to

live past the depression,

the anxiety and the tremendous

amount of pain.

The lies, and self hatred

tried to overshadow every ounce

of hope and faith

I previously held onto.

Even though I walk through the

darkest valley…

Fragmented pieces of the

memories came flashing

back as I tried to piece them

together and make sense

of the realization that these

were not nightmares but

factual suppressed recollections.

I will fear no evil…for you are with me….

It was too much!

I felt as if I was literally being

ripped from the inside out.

Every part of my body ached

as I exposed the truth and

walked through the dark

murkiness of my past.

You protect and guide me,

and I find comfort as you console me…

In my despair,

I wept, as I released the pain.

You are repairing all the damage

that was done to me,

and restoring the deepest,

most real part of me.

Lord, my strength and hope, comes from you.

(*Psalm 23)

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…anxiety

5…4…3…2…1…

frantic images are vividly playing out behind my eyes…

my mind is racing and all of my senses are heightened to the point that I literally want to RUN out of my own skin…

it’s a thief…

attempting to rob me of my tranquility…

what do I “see”

what do I “hear”

what do I “smell”

what do I “feel”

what do I “taste”

they say grounding brings me back to reality

it does….but then what?

I say….

i’m fleeing…

to my place of peace…

where He quiets my racing pulse…

and speaks peace to the frantic storm…

welcoming me with open arms…

I calmly exhale my fear…and inhale serenity.

~ denise marie

When anxiety overwhelms me, your Word comforts me and brings me joy.

– Psalm 94:19

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…discontent

Why must we

wander around,

looking to fill

the emptiness

with things

outside of ourself?

Attempting to drown out

the pain by trading

inanimate items

for animate

disappointments.

Yearning

for that

next fix,

which will

never truly

fill the

void.

~Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by chaos…

Fast talking,

heart pumping

overthinking

everything.

This nervous energy

was driven by

an attempt

to hide behind

the inability

to trust,

even my

own instincts.

Trauma

groomed me

into believing

that I was nothing

outside of what

I did for others.

Unknowingly,

it kept

me bound,

to things out of

my control.

I’ve learned,

to walk away

from the chaos,

and to step

into my

true authentic self.

For there is where,

I am happy,

and for there is where,

I am free.

~Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…isolation

I lost a close friend this week.

My heart hurts as I battled with thoughts of “why didn’t I call her on Friday”, “why wasn’t I there to check on her when she needed me?”

Then in a quiet voice, God quickly reminded me that HE was there.

In an instant I began to celebrate all of our deep conversations about God and how much she loved him, our laughing at the silliest of things until we cried hysterically. The dinners, the kids parties, our funny dance moves, the cries on each other’s shoulders and the bear hugs that reminded each other that no matter what, everything was gonna be alright.

This loss, is devastating on so many levels especially for her sweet children, spouse, family and close friends.

But in the midst of these tears, more than ever I want to encourage you to reach out for help if you need it, your not alone and isolation is a breeding ground for lies, deception and defeat.

Reach out and tell someone…

anyone…that you need help.

I guarantee you, that you are not forgotten, and there is hope.💗

~ Denise xoxo