What is wrong with me?

Ever since I was a little girl, I felt weird in my own skin.

What is wrong with me? Why don’t I feel normal? Who Am I? These type of questions seemed to be part of my DNA. I still battle with some of the questions and many times daily, I have to replace those negative thoughts.

I have to pull down those negative thoughts and replace them with words that bring me encouragement, words that speak “life” to my brokenness.

I am smart..I am enough…I am healed…I am worthy..I am beautiful..I am loved… These are some of the affirmations I put up on my mirror, or on the wall in my closet. I place these affirmations in an area in which I can see them and say them out loud. If it is a difficult day and I am not “feeling” like an overcomer, I continue to read the positive words and choose to BELIEVE that I am those things.

When I choose to Believe the Truth and not listen to the voice of lies, it empowers me to Live past the pain.

So many young women are not able to live past the depths of the pain and those voices continue to torment and tear them down to the point that they desperately seek comfort…even at the expense of ending their life. All it takes is a moment, to share a smile, a compliment, a hug, or an encouraging word that will give someone Hope to continue to move forward.

Today, I hope to encourage someone…The one who struggles to “feel” normal…The one who is tired of fighting to be “ok” in her own skin.

You are Worthy…You are Loved…You are an Overcomer…You were Created for Greatness…Your Life has Purpose.. 

No matter what your situation is or what has happened to you in the past, just know that God Loves you and you can Heal.

IN the Midst of the Storm..

While looking at this picture, a sense of fear tends to come over me. I relate this picture to the storms of life, that I have already encountered and the ones I will bravely walk thru as I continue to acknowledge and address my childhood sexual abuse. This road will lead me to my complete healing.

“THE STORM WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT TO SEE IN THE DARK. DO NOT WAIT. TAKE COVER NOW”.

These words were  announced on the national weather broadcast for the recent Oklahoma Tornado warnings. These words stuck with me and I knew I had to press on through my storm.

Remaining in the state of mind that kept me imprisoned to the abuse, was natural. I had been accustomed to the negative way of thinking, without fully realizing that I was still living as a Victim. The lack of self-esteem, the negative self-talk, the feeling of not being good enough, consumed my life. The decision to share my story and acknowledge that my innocence had been sacrificed to give someone else pleasure caused my heart to ache with immeasurable amount of pain . The heaviness alone made me want to run in the opposite direction and forgo any further “journey to healing”.

Again, I heard the warning, “THE STORM WILL BE DIFFICULT TO SEE IN THE DARK. DO NOT WAIT. TAKE COVER NOW”.

My storm of abuse may be difficult to look back on and acknowledge but when I face the darkness of my past, I know that I am to patiently experience every dimension of my healing and Wait and to Take Cover, because, my help is near.

With God being my help. I have chosen to focus on Psalms 91:

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. They say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

IN the midst of the storm, I call on Jesus..

Denise Boyd Copyright ©