Tag: anxiety

It’s ok to get out of your comfort zone…

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I decided to get out of my comfort zone and nervously read one of my poems in front of the camera.

Speaking in public or in front of a camera, causes me some anxiety and I normally find myself completely overthinking, being self-critical and sometimes talking myself out of it.

But not tonight.

I sat in my living room, didn’t fuss with the perfect application of makeup or the correct lighting. I just went for it….and because I did, it was a huge breakthrough for me!

You see, after surviving the pulmonary embolism, I struggled with the affects in my mind, emotions, and body. My brain seemed to be a bit different, very foggy, easily overwhelmed/overstimulated and anxiety. I struggled and sometimes still struggle with terrible fatigue, hair loss and extra weight gain. These things had began to mess with my confidence and I found myself beginning to hide a bit and shrink back from doing things that I used to do much easier in the past.

Being in my 50’s and a survivor of…well an overcomer of so many different challenges in my life, (past childhood trauma, stress etc.) I realize that it’s ok to not always be ok, but it’s not ok to be stuck in my circumstances. Taking things one day at a time, allows me to remove unrealistic expectations and letting go of my own pressure of perfectionism, the need to please others and making space for plenty of love and grace. Healing is a process and I am choosing to be present, every step of the way.

My hope is that I continue to show up and do things that make me uncomfortable.

This not so simple act of getting out of my own head, and doing things even if I am afraid or nervous is truly liberating.

Thanks for sharing this moment with me, it means a lot!

– denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

It’s ok…

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Healing doesn’t happen linear, it ebbs and flows and many days I’m battling my mindset as I demolish thoughts that try to set off my anxiety. There are many days when I can smile and genuinely say “today’s a good day” and then there are days when I can barely get out of bed, and yet choose to say “today is a good day…to…rest. Both days are good, it’s all about how I choose to respond to my circumstances.

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

#nolongerheldcaptive

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I was attacked

at the very core

of my being and

was told to end it.

That I was not going to

live past the depression,

the anxiety and the tremendous

amount of pain.

The lies, and self hatred

tried to overshadow every ounce

of hope and faith

I previously held onto.

Even though I walk through the

darkest valley…

Fragmented pieces of the

memories came flashing

back as I tried to piece them

together and make sense

of the realization that these

were not nightmares but

factual suppressed recollections.

I will fear no evil…for you are with me….

It was too much!

I felt as if I was literally being

ripped from the inside out.

Every part of my body ached

as I exposed the truth and

walked through the dark

murkiness of my past.

You protect and guide me,

and I find comfort as you console me…

In my despair,

I wept, as I released the pain.

You are repairing all the damage

that was done to me,

and restoring the deepest,

most real part of me.

Lord, my strength and hope, comes from you.

(*Psalm 23)

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

Choosing to surrender…

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Anxiety and fear had been a thief, literally stealing my joy. It jumbled up my thoughts, and caused my heart to race, leaving me with many sleepless nights and a just below the surface agitation that made me want to crawl out of my skin and run away.

The last two years have been life altering and I am learning what it means to release my need to control and to put my complete trust in God. There are good days and difficult ones, but I choose to take things, one step at a time, as I receive His peace.

Peace I leave with you, my Peace I give you. Not as the world gives. Don’t let your hearts be troubled and don’t be afraid.

John 14.27.

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…isolation

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I lost a close friend this week.

My heart hurts as I battled with thoughts of “why didn’t I call her on Friday”, “why wasn’t I there to check on her when she needed me?”

Then in a quiet voice, God quickly reminded me that HE was there.

In an instant I began to celebrate all of our deep conversations about God and how much she loved him, our laughing at the silliest of things until we cried hysterically. The dinners, the kids parties, our funny dance moves, the cries on each other’s shoulders and the bear hugs that reminded each other that no matter what, everything was gonna be alright.

This loss, is devastating on so many levels especially for her sweet children, spouse, family and close friends.

But in the midst of these tears, more than ever I want to encourage you to reach out for help if you need it, your not alone and isolation is a breeding ground for lies, deception and defeat.

Reach out and tell someone…

anyone…that you need help.

I guarantee you, that you are not forgotten, and there is hope.💗

~ Denise xoxo