Anxiety and fear had been a thief, literally stealing my joy. It jumbled up my thoughts, and caused my heart to race, leaving me with many sleepless nights and a just below the surface agitation that made me want to crawl out of my skin and run away.
The last two years have been life altering and I am learning what it means to release my need to control and to put my complete trust in God. There are good days and difficult ones, but I choose to take things, one step at a time, as I receive His peace.
Peace I leave with you, my Peace I give you. Not as the world gives. Don’t let your hearts be troubled and don’t be afraid.
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
2 thoughts on “Choosing to surrender…”
Hi Denise Marie,
I suffer from PTSD, anxiety all the time and panic attacks often. They are the emotional scars of horrific childhood abuses by both “professing christian” parents (NOT!! They were and still are complete counterfeits!). There was violent frequent DV between parents too that I was forced to witness and be further terrorized by.
They even abused me as well as my husband for many years of our adulthood until a violent attack by them on us. Police were called…I am now in NO CONTACT with them and all those “Christian” relatives who lived next door and upstairs and saw, heard and knew all about the abuses. They are all complicit in enabling, covering up, lying about..the abuses. To “save face” in the christian community and to sweep their complicity under the rug. They all turned their backs on me when I called the police on them for their criminal weapon attack on us causing grave permanent injuries. “You don’t call police on ‘family’, they said!!! As if “family” uses weapons to try to kill other family members! That’s A-OK to these people. It’s depravity to me. I think God sees it that way too.
I’d like to ask you if you have any advice for easing the constant anxiety, triggers of PTSD/intrusive thoughts and memories, panic attacks? I try to quote Scriptures to replace the thoughts and anxiety feelings. “HE WILL QUIET ME WITH HIS LOVE.” Is one of my favorites. I take meds to control the symptoms that can be off-the-charts. Feels like I’m dying. Any tips for calming the turbulent feelings inside of me? Jesus is there when I call upon Him to help me. But I don’t always get enough relief for very long before the next attack. I’m trying to let God fight this Spiritual battle for me in the Spirit realm. But what can I do to better fight for myself? Counseling doesn’t help-it makes me worse.
But GOD KNOWS! HE SAW!! HE GRIEVED!!
Hi Z, I am SO sorry for what you have lived through. The pain of childhood sexual abuse and violence is devastating. I understand how difficult it is to heal from the trauma and the frustration that comes with everything we have endured and the years it takes to even attempt to “feel” normal. I want to encourage you to continue to reach out for help, you are not alone and there are trauma specialists who are empathetic and who understands what happens to our brains and bodies when we are abused as children. A link to trauma specialist can be found here:https://www.amenclinics.com/ and Celebrate Recovery can be found here: https://www.celebraterecovery.com/
I have been in Celebrate Recovery for over 3 years and the support of my sponsor, accountability partners, lessons, steps and most importantly my deepening relationship with Jesus is restoring me. Please be patient with yourself and know that healing from the pain, takes one step at a time. Psalm 91 is one of my favorite scriptures that I speak out loud regularly, as well as other scriptures, Prayer, I play Worship Music, have essential oils in my diffuser, I reach out to people that I can trust (yes, it is a small circle), therapy, Gratitude list, go for walks, I have a dog that seems to give me comfort, spend time with family that I can trust, etc. these are a few tips that help me. Remember that you are loved, valued and worthy and God is with you. Please feel free to message me at email@example.com and I can give you additional resources. I am praying for you!