Each day brings a promise of something new…
be present and hold space…for gratitude.
– denise marie
This is the day the Lord has made. let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Slowing down enough…to hear my heartbeat…
My Covid 19 story…
I tested positive for Covid 19 on Saturday. The last few days have been extremely overwhelming and it seems as if I’ve experienced many of the symptoms on the list. When things got a bit scary I contacted my Doctor and due to my health risk factors, I was able to go to the hospital for an Monoclonal Antibodies Infusion.
When I arrived to the hospital I was told to wait outside and a nurse in PPE would come and get me. Soon after my arrival the nurse came and had me follow her to a “not for the public” side door into a stairwell which took me to a door that led to a long hallway and into a conference room that was section off by plastic.
It was only I and the nurse in this room and as much as she tried to make me feel comfortable, it was a bit eerie.
She did the basics; temperature check, blood pressure check, oxygen levels using a pulse oximeter then went on to explain the details of the infusion. Soon after, I received my infusion in my left arm and after an hour and a half my husband picked me up from the hospital and went home.
The following day after my infusion, I still struggled with many Covid symptoms, but my fever finally broke. SO very grateful!
Today is day 5 and I’m still testing positive. Its been hard to be quarantined and feeling lousy in my room away from my family, But I’m happy to say that my symptoms are improving! I believe that the infusion has really helped my body to continue to fight this virus.
Being in my room quarantined, it’s amazing how the mind plays tricks on you. I really had to pray, reach out to my family and watch uplifting & funny shows on tv to stay encouraged. So glad this is only temporary.
To be intentionally loved is a gift from God.
I received these beautiful flowers from my husband. He, my kids & family have been so encouraging and loving as I heal and rest. I’m blessed to have family near while I’m quarantined and recovering.
Tomorrow is a new day and I’m looking forward to a negative test and complete recovery soon!
Thank you Jesus for your love, protection and healing💗
Just keep standing…mental health awareness.
I just wanted to send a word of encouragement out to those who are feeling weary, feeling as if they have been fighting this battle for way too long. When the thought of standing up to the health challenges, loneliness, financial strain, grief, depression, anxiety, any circumstance or situation that may have you feeling like you can’t continue on. I want you to know that you are not alone. That there is hope and help is near.
There were many days in my life that if I could just believe that it was possible for me to “just keep standing” I could. To just keep standing wasn’t necessarily always physical but yet mentally and emotionally.
On those hard days, I would call a trusted friend or family member for support, or I would schedule an appointment with my therapist. I would attend a Recovery meeting when those memories of past trauma were just too much.
And…I would go to God in prayer and read His Word, one of my favorite chapters I would read daily is Psalm 91 in which I would literally say out loud, “God you are my refuge, I know that I can trust in you, you are my strength and I am safe.”
Today, my hope and prayer is that you can “Just keep standing”.
***For immediate help please call or text the following Mental Health & Crisis line at: 988
– denise marie💗
serenity….
Serenity is a welcomed friend,
who embraced my soul
with healing.
– denise marie
While visiting Washington State. My brother-in-law brought us to this beautiful serene location just outside of Tacoma. As we walked along the trail surrounded by tall tree’s we immediately were immersed by peace as we basked in its presence.
The beach…a gift to be treasured.
I recently took a drive with two of my kids to a beautiful beachfront in Northern California called Dillon Beach.
Being at the Ocean, I feel free! Laughing so hard as I skip around the beach, searching for seashells and taking in every detail of its beauty.. What a gift to be treasured…it will always be my happy place. 💙
to become…
She is called my beloved…
The beauty of….a sunset.
I cherish the surreal vastness of the sunset in all its shades of oranges and reds alongside blues with yellows. I give thanks and honor every lesson that my day brought me. I forgive those who tried to make me feel small and I forgive myself for allowing disappointment or unrealistic expectations to rule over my peace of mind. I choose to acknowledge my hurt, process my feelings and forgive.
I welcome the darkness of the night sky as I find rest and replenish my body, knowing that in the morning I will be greeted by the light of day.
– denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
in awe…of beauty
I am in awe of the glorious sunrise as it casts its golden hue across the morning sky. As I look around, I see the beauty around me and embrace the gift of life.
I choose to live my life fully and contently as I continue to grow, learn, love and honor its sacredness.
– denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
Your presence matters…
YOU matter….
Even when you feel like no one notices or cares. Your presence on this Earth is important…your voice, your opinion, your ideas, your disappointments, your shortcomings, your accomplishments, your defeats, your best qualities and your worst character defects, your talents, your stories, your laughter, your hugs, your smile. Every aspect of YOU, is a gift to this world. You are valued, cherished and needed.
And even when it doesn’t always feel like it…
I encourage you to grab on and hold tight to this truth…YOU are loved…overwhelmingly loved, undeniably loved, forever loved.💗
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
holding space…for yourself.
Holding space means that you are reserving your energy to be emotionally and mentally present for yourself or others in a safe, nonjudgemental environment.
It means, setting boundaries so that you can protect your peace. Setting aside time to tune into your needs and become more self-aware. It means that you are giving yourself space to be yourself fully without judgment. To listen to your mind and body and support yourself in the best way you can.
Ways you could practice holding space for yourself could be:
• Schedule time in your regular routine to journal how you’re feeling
• Setting reminders on your phone to periodically check in with your physical and emotional state, whatever it may be, from a place of nonjudgemental loving awareness
• Practicing mindfulness, praying, meditation or breathing exercises
• Engaging in any form of self-kindness – realizing you are human and that the emotions and feelings that come with that are something to embrace, not reject or feel guilty about.
– from https://lenasamford.com/how-to-hold-space-for-yourself-and-others/
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
un·a·pol·o·get·i·cal·ly in a manner that does not acknowledge or express regret.
It’s ok to rise….from anything or anyone who makes you feel small, unheard, not seen or valued.
Always remember that your voice, your story and your very existence matters.💗
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
it’s not my only story…
Worthy….
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
equipped….
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
to hold space…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
fills my soul with healing…
When I stopped trying to fill up
every space within me with busyness,
stillness became a welcomed friend
who embraced my soul with healing.
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
I am her…
– John 8:36
There was a time, that I didn’t identify with the one who stared at me daily in the mirror.
Sometimes I didn’t like her, other times I felt like I didn’t really know her and many times didn’t understand her. She found herself lost between living to please others and resenting her continued self-sacrifice, even at the cost of her well being.
Ultimately betraying herself.
Numerous times she tried to free her true self, but found it difficult to come out from under the deep despair of childhood trauma and shame.
Today, she realizes it’s ok to choose Her.
She now, carefully cradles her heart, whispering powerful words of truth dripped in non-judgmental love and grace.
She is no longer hidden beneath the layers of trauma, she is emerging, growing and nurturing each space within the weight of her being.
She no longer identifies as an outsider, but acknowledges Her name.
The name her Mother, lovingly graced her with in 1969.
Her name is Denise Marie and I am her.
Evolving…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
self-care = love💗
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
Painting = peace…
Painting brings me a sense of peace. It allows me to free my mind and to be present.
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
Repeat after me…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
It’s ok…
Healing doesn’t happen linear, it ebbs and flows and many days I’m battling my mindset as I demolish thoughts that try to set off my anxiety. There are many days when I can smile and genuinely say “today’s a good day” and then there are days when I can barely get out of bed, and yet choose to say “today is a good day…to…rest. Both days are good, it’s all about how I choose to respond to my circumstances.
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
walking in grace…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
Hope…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
she released the sound of freedom…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
my Saviors grace…
What does it take to be free from
the theatrical soliloquies
of carefully pre-selected words which
fall so gracefully on the ears of
those who hunger for his presence,
yet stand at the threshold and leave empty.
Stripped away from all the “wow’s” of the crowd,
to simply being in his presence.
Seeking him as I bare it all,
before the throne of my Savior’s grace,
there is where you will find me.
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
I broke my silence…at 40.
A few months ago, I was frazzled by a situation which caused others to look at me with doubting glares and accusing words that began by a simple misunderstanding.
Not being understood and discredited stirred up deep rooted memories from my childhood of not being believed when I told a trusted adult that I had been abused. At 11 years old, my self-esteem immediately plummeted as my worth was devalued deeply beneath the open wound of keeping the abuse a secret. My humanity was denied access to protection. I suffered emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally, internalizing my pain, suppressing my feelings and silenced my voice.
I didn’t talk about it again, until I was 40 years old.
This recent situation, caused me to gravel as I continuously explained myself over and over again only to be looked at as if I wasn’t telling the truth.
My mind raced as my anger grew causing me to want to lash out at the ones who didn’t believe me.
The little girl in me was spiraling out of control, in that moment, I felt helpless.
Instead of using old self destructive ways of coping, I applied tools I’ve learned and communicated my feelings to those who misunderstood me, and I spoke my truth. We were able to clear up the confusion and move forward.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and unfortunately there are millions of survivors in the United States and around the World who are suffering from the affects of sexual assault, it is so important that we speak out against sexual assault and put an end to it.
If you are a survivor I want to let you know that, I believe you, healing is possible and there is hope.
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
find rest…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
Immersed…to involve deeply, absorb.
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
against the grain…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
win…
I’ve learned to celebrate when I WIN over the urge to shrink, and instead choose to shine.✨
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
free…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
Simply becoming…
~ denise marie
Have you ever just let go?
Really let go of who you thought
you were to be,
to simply just becoming.
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
Simply present…
Painting has been an imperative creative outlet in my healing process.
No agenda, no expectations, no right or wrong, just simply being present.
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
Self acceptance…
#nolongerheldcaptive
God has good things…for me.
Liberation…the act of setting free.
#nolongerheldcaptive
Celebrating a day in history…
I will not be silenced…
My voice matters.
My opinion matters.
My words matter.
My thoughts matter.
What I have to say matters.
How I feel matters.
My questions matter.
My disagreeing with you matters.
Standing up for myself matters.
Speaking up matters.
What I like matters.
What I don’t like matters.
Telling my jokes matter.
Telling my story matters.
My choice matters.
My dreams matter.
My disappointments matter.
My goals matter.
My style matters.
Being comfortable in my own skin matters.
Being confident matters.
Being unsure at times, matters.
Taking my time to process my feelings matters.
Being sad matters.
Being happy matters.
Being angry matters.
Laughing out loud matters.
My smile matters.
My quirkiness matters.
My “no” matters.
My “yes” matters.
Saying exactly what I mean matters.
Having boundaries matter.
Being kind to myself matters.
Being kind to others matters.
Practicing self-care matters.
Loving freely matters.
My brown skin matters.
Being myself, even when others say it’s “too much” matters.
Being free spirited matters.
Letting go of what I can’t control matters.
Liking myself matters.
Loving myself matters.
I matter.
~ denise marie
lean into his presence…
This week I was feeling a lot of anxiety. Between the pandemic, friends and family battling sickness, the loss of so many lives, the violence, the financial struggles of many, racial injustice and the chaos in our nation, I found myself struggling to hold onto my peace. My emotions fluctuating from sadness, to anger, to fear as I battled my own thoughts to bring my mindset back to a place of peace.
Then I heard a still small voice that said, “Lean into his presence.”. At that very moment I knew he was calling me to him.
One of my favorite lyrics in a song by Elevation Worship goes,
“In Your presence there is freedom
In Your presence there is hope
In Your presence there is healing
Love restores me, I am whole”.
In my moments of distress, I am learning as I lean into his presence, my anxiety surrenders to Him.
Lean into his presence.
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
**side note**: I am a firm believer in Jesus and Therapy! God provides us with resources that if we are willing, can come alongside us and help us in our journey. My regular appointments with my therapist and support from my sponsor in Celebrate Recovery, are vital parts of my healing!💗
Time to soar…
So many wasted moments, overthinking, replaying the “what if’s” over and over again. Constantly talking myself out of doing something for fear of failing or waiting for the “perfect” moment to step out of my comfort zone.
I know many of you can relate to finding themselves waiting for just the “right” time as you hope for just one more sign from God that this is what I am supposed to do next.
If I can be blunt with you….Girl please STOP the madness!! (that statement is gender neutral) we have to put an end to allowing our own limitations to stunt our growth.
We (ME 🙋🏽♀️) are more than capable of accomplishing anything and everything we set out to do, it doesn’t have to be prefect or even “pretty” our greatest work aka call is done authentically messy, real, honest, laced with plenty of vulnerability and above all else…Gods grace.
It’s time to silence the lies which keep us bound, stand on faith and soar.
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
a hope deferred…
I recently met up on zoom with two friends that I have known for 35 years. Though our life had taken us different directions and we tried to talk over the phone occasionally, but us three haven’t been together in one place for 27 years, we quickly were able to pick back up where we left off and that same connection that brought us together 35 years ago was naturally the same connection we had on the zoom call. We laughed and cried as we reminisced, caught each other up on our life and made plans to get together on zoom regularly.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
After our call, in the middle of the night, I woke up and clearly heard the words “a hope deferred”. I knew exactly in that moment what God was trying to tell me.
For years I had longed to be in touch with these two friends, missing them, needing them, allowing feelings of rejection or unrealistic expectations of them to cause me to create scenarios in my mind that were not accurate. Looking back, simply picking up the phone, to let them know how I felt, would’ve put an end to my questions or to scenarios which were not accurate. Reconnecting with my friends fulfilled the longing in my heart and brought me so much joy.
So if you are sitting on the sidelines, watching an old friend or even a family member live their life through the lens of social media but afraid to reach out and really reconnect, I want to encourage you to pick up the phone and let them know you care. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, It’s not too late to let someone know you miss them, or that your sorry and that you love them.
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
the stroke of a brush releases anxiety…
✨ Art is beautiful in the eyes of those who simply embrace the freedom of each stroke of a brush.✨
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
The mask I wear…
– John 8:36
**Artist Credit: Bri Wenke**
#nolongerheldcaptive
Intentional living…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
His promises…
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
#nolongerheldcaptive
When the waves come crashing…I will trust you.
Wherever You would call me,
Take me deeper than my feet
could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”.
⁃ Oceans by Hillsong United
This summer, I had an overwhelming need to go to the Ocean, so I told my husband and the next day we drove to Santa Cruz.
As I stood there on these rocks on the beach, I watched the water go from calm to all of a sudden the waves came crashing violently and then the calmness of the water subsided as the waves went back out to sea.
I was so fortunate to capture this photo at the exact moment of impact.
As I watched in awe, I heard God sweetly whisper, “trust me”.
Unbeknownst to me, my life would change four days later, when I survived a pulmonary embolism.
As I heal, this picture is a constant reminder of how we all face the unexpected crashing of overwhelming situations that disrupt our life. But even in those uncertain times, God promises to be our firm foundation, as he continuously whispers “trust me”.
“The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety”.
– Psalm 18:2
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36 #nolongerheldcaptive
Loving you…
No longer held captive 